Alright, let’s talk about something every rider deals with but nobody wants to admit out loud:

Look, I don’t ask for much in life. Zero chafing – yes please.

I’m all about prevention. Hydration, gear, layers… and of course, keeping the downstairs region from turning into a crime scene. My goto base layers are LDComfort- pricey but it’s best!! I also wear KLIM socks again happy dry feet all the time and I keep up on my Klim boots with waterproof treatments that’s my OCD from Boy Scouts years.

Some time ago, somewhere along the line, someone said, “Hey man, try Monkey Butt Powder. It’s great.” So of course I ordered it on Amazon. Two days later that little brown box showed up… and I figured, alright, time to give it a try. To my surprise by the end of the day, I had a skin reaction-I’m talking itching, burning, and a strong urge to stand bow-legged like I’d been riding a horse.

So I did, did my research, of course I would, and came across another product, Happy Nuts. Funny name, but hands 🙌 my favorite powder to date!

Let’s break down why:

Monkey Butt Powder: The Emotional Damage Edition: Monkey Butt comes loaded with:

❌ Talc – AKA: “Let’s dry your skin until it cries.”

❌ Artificial fragrance – Because apparently your junk needs cologne?

❌ Calamine (depending on the version) – Great on itchy skin… unless your skin is sweaty, irritated.

Basically, Monkey Butt could be that friend who means well but if your sensitive to any of the ingredients – it will make things worse.

👉 Enter: Happy Nuts — My Hero I Didn’t Know I Needed

Happy Nuts uses:

✅ Tapioca starch instead of talc

(soft, smooth, doesn’t feel like drywall dust)

✅ Gentle or no artificial fragrance

(because your boys aren’t trying to smell like a middle-school locker)

✅ Aloe + Vitamin E

(soothing like a cool breeze even after a 1000-mile ride end of the day.

Goes on like lotion (dries to powder) and/or buy as a powder.

Science. Magic. Whatever — it works.

My skin went from “why do you hate me” to “thank you, kind sir.”

Final Verdict

If your body reacts to Monkey Butt like mine did, it’s likely you’re allergic to talc, fragrance, and OK bad life choices (LOL).

Happy Nuts = smooth sailing.

Monkey Butt = your thighs file an HR complaint.

Choose wisely.

P.S. Full disclosure: Happy Nuts didn’t pay me, bribe me, or send me free ball cream. This is strictly my real-life experience… and my junk’s honest review.